Ugh. Christmas.

In the car, radio on…

“We wish you all the happiness and joy of the season, may your every Christmas dream –“

*me grumpily jabbing the button to change the station*

“Have a holly jolly Christmas! It’s the best time of the year!”

*does ANY station play actual music this time of year?!*

“EVERYTHING IS 70% OFF! TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!! GET YOUR SHOPPING DONE NOOOOWWWW! NOTHING SAYS ‘I LOVE YOU’ LIKE NEW –“

*sigh, pushes button*

“During this holiday season, may you cherish every moment of precious memories filled with laughter and loved ones. May you always remember to –“

*gagging*

“GET CRAZY WITH THE CHEESE WHIZ!”

*hysterical laughter*

Whew. I needed that.

Y’all. Is it over yet? I am so done with Christmas and holidays and pretending that the world is magical and nothing but goodness and amazing moments and that the sweater I bought for 70% off is going to properly express to a person I care about how deep my love for them actually goes. (Which is obviously not too deep if you’re only getting sweaters when they are 70% off. “Sorry, friend! I only love you in a deeply discounted, once a year, ‘this was what everyone else in the store was fighting over’ kinda way!”)

Wake me up when September December ends, amiright?

(Must resist the urge to talk in 90’s/early 2000’s song lyrics for the rest of the post.)

There’s just so much pressure this time of year. Between all the expectations to live up to (your own and everyone else’s), and the extra projects that you take on (cleaning, decorating, baking, shopping, cards, family photos where everyone matches, that damn elf), it’s no wonder that everyone is stressed and tired and these are the things I can do without.

(I didn’t say anything about 80’s lyrics.) (I’ve congratulated myself on working this in for far longer than deserved.)

I’m going to assume that maybe you could do without being tired and stressed, too. So today, 4 days before it’s about to all go down, could you do me and yourself the following favors?

  • Eat the cookies that you worked so hard on. (Or that somebody else worked so hard on.) (That someone can be one of the fine folks over at Pepperidge Farms.)
  • Be ok to stop the shopping. You’ve done enough. Really. Your loved ones need you, not that 70% off sweater, and certainly not a thoughtless gift that you bought for the sake of having another gift to give.
  • Take a nap. (Ok fine, I couldn’t take a nap to save my life with all these children around.) Go to bed early instead of staying up and doing all the things you’ve absolutely got to do. I now give you permission to absolutely not do any of them. Poof. See how easy that was? You can blame it all on me.
  • Drink a little. Not around your easily triggered aunt.
  • Allow yourself to actually enjoy your kids instead of just shuttling them to the next activity. It’s perfectly acceptable to laugh at toots and contribute a few of your own…perhaps you can mix it up with some burps after you’ve eaten a bunch of those cookies.
  • Put down the Pinterest. The moment of enjoyment above does not need to revolve around all things red and green.
  • Dance party in the kitchen. Message me for some (terribly cliché) music suggestions.
  • Remember that this will all be over in just a few more days, but then you’ll get to start feeling the pressure to accomplish all the resolutions you made last year, so maybe an extra cookie and a little more drinking, followed by another nap is in order.
  • You’re doing a bang up job and you, my friend, make the magic happen all year long. No elves required.

We’ve got this y’all! Heads down! Final stretch! You can doooooo itttttt! (But remember, you don’t have to…Dana from the Internet said.)

Dana was once described (to her great delight) as a "rock and roll Martha Stewart". Since then, despite being rather awful at hosting dinner parties, she's tried her best to live up to such a distinction. Armed with the ability to laugh endlessly at her own mildly funny jokes, Dana juggles marriage, motherhood, and minimalism with an equal measure of sarcasm and incessant worrying. She is wife to one, mother to many, and friend to anyone who brings her baked goods.

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